


it was you who held me under

by thelittleone



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: M/M, Past Relationship(s), the exboyfriends au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-11-26
Packaged: 2018-03-06 11:20:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3132575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelittleone/pseuds/thelittleone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"It takes time to really, truly fall for someone. Yet I believe in a moment. A moment when you glimpse the truth within someone, and they glimpse the truth within you. In that moment, you don't belong to yourself any longer. Part of you belongs to him, part of him belongs to you. After that, you can't take it back, no matter how much you want to, no matter how hard you try"<br/>— Claudia Gray.</p><p>They weren't supposed to meet again, not after everything that had been said, everything they went through. But no one controls the stars, and no one can force second chances.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. and finally it seemed that the spell was broken

**Author's Note:**

> This idea started from a [one shot](http://bisexualjason.tumblr.com/post/85976064474/growing-up-is-many-things-exciting-crazy-weird) I wrote months ago. This fic is really close to my heart, and I just wanna thank everyone that motivated to keep going. Also, this fic has a [mixtape](http://8tracks.com/ceceyelmar/here-we-are-again).

Jason would have never imagined that the next time he’d meet his ex-boyfriend it would be on the ER, bloodied and bruised in a hospital bed. And he had come up with some pretty crazy scenarios, like ‘randomly meets the other in a café’ or ‘ex turns up to be your blind date’. But here he was, just starting his night shift, with a 20 year old Nico di Angelo who seemed to have received the beating of his life.

He nearly didn’t recognize him. Almost completely shed were the wild, dark locks Jason used to pass his fingers through, the guy sporting an undercut that was now clamped with dried blood. His left eye was swollen and he had several cuts on his face and arms. His ears where full of silver piercings and his hands were bloodied and bruised.

But those dark-as-the-night eyes, that long and soft nose and those strong and expressive eyebrows.

That was Nico, alright.

“I’ll need to take your piercings off, will that be a problem?”, Jason asked, four years of nursing kicking in unconsciously. Nico seemed to retreat a little into himself, but he couldn’t read his expression with his face so badly hurt. He disinfected his hands in the nearest sink on the ward, put his gloves on and returned to the bed. No one said a thing while the blond’s deft and careful fingers gently stripped Nico’s ears bare.

 “Why?”

Jason heart stopped.

“Why do you have to take them off?”

“They could get infected. And the doctor wants to take a CT scan to rule out a concussion so you’ll have to take them off anyway”, he explained while he moved a tray with the medical kit to the table next to Nico. He took a wet cloth and cleaned the 20 year old face, careful of taking all the dirt and blood off his features.

“Are the painkillers kicking in?”

He was quiet for a moment and then: “Are you asking me if I’m high?”

Jason chuckled. The Italian’s eyes widened.

“Not exactly, but I’ll take that as a yes”, Jason said, laughter still on his voice. “I was asking because I need to stitch up the wound on your forehead and you don’t want to be sober for this.”

Nico uttered a quiet grunt and the nurse went on with his work. After a few stiches he noticed the he was squirming under his hands.

“Oh, right, you’re ticklish. Sorry”

Nico gave him another unreadable look but said nothing. Jason wondered briefly how he looked, towering over him, his gloved hands never leaving Nico’s skin. He finished up, blinking at his meticulous work. He hadn’t taken his time quite like that since they taught them their first stitches in nursing school.

Well, he was kind of biased.

He cut the thread, trying to not let his touch linger. He bit his lip.

“Do you feel dizzy?”

“No”

“Do you know what day it is?”

“The other nurse already asked me this, Jason”, he felt a soft shiver at his name on Nico’s lip once again. Shit, he was a sap.

“Sorry”, he went to the closet in the hall and then returned to the bed. “So, I’m gonna need you to put one of these”

“A hospital gown? Seriously?”

He shrugged, just one shoulder going up. “I don’t make the rules and I need to take you to the CT scanner”, he couldn’t control the slight quirk of his mouth. “No combat boots allowed”

Nico narrowed his eyes at him, the familiar expression making his smile wider.

“Do you need any help?”

“What? No”, he looked paler. Jason was going to ask for a bag of O positive on his way to the scanner. “Where’s the bathroom?”

“Front of this room, a bit to the left. I’m gonna go fetch some stuff, okay?”

Nico nodded and Jason started walking away, his head turning to him when he sat down in the rim of the mattress. He must have felt his eyes over him because he looked up, frowned again and mouthed ‘go’ at him. Jason felt a warm blush heating up his cheeks. He willed himself not to follow Nico with his gaze and left the room.

He felt jittery, his heart erratic and his breathing shaky as he walked to the blood bank. He gulped and straightened his shoulders, and by the time he leaned over the blood bank counter he flashed a smile at Troy.

“Hey man, can I get an O positive?”

The medical technologist smiled back, his white teeth a nice contrast to his brown cheeks. “Would you like it with a straw on it?”

Jason huffed. “You know that no matter how many times you tell that joke it won’t get funnier, right?”

“Come on, Grace, give me a break”, Troy went to one of the aisles, rummaged for a bit, and returned to the counter. “Especially in such a dead night like this one”

“Don’t jinx it”, Jason replied automatically before taking the bag and returning to the room.

Nico was nowhere in sight and he started setting the things up for when they came back. He looked over to the chair near the bed, most of Nico’s personal belongings neatly folded over it. His fingertips itched, suddenly on fire. He straightened the blankets instead. He worried his lip, feeling silly and out of place. Shaking his head, he went back to the hall to wait.

When he came out of the bathroom he seemed smaller, leaner. Jason wondered if he would ever forget the image of his ex-boyfriend in fluffy slippers.

“Come on”, he let Nico set the pace while he guided him through the corridors. “Let’s take a look at that brain of yours”

As they started the journey down the corridors, Jason was careful to let his pace fall along Nico's. He thought he heard a soft noise, like an aggravated sigh coming from him but when he turned his head around his face remained impassible. They walked in silence, Nico's movements way more loaded than words. Even hurt, he seemed to take more of a presence than before, his shoulders straight, his strides long and purposeful. There was a tilt to his chin, a harshness in his eyes, maybe the slight frown of his lips. Jason swallowed, his throat caging up on him, and he tried not to twist his hands in the fabric of his scrubs.

"So, uh—"

"How long have you been working here?"

Jason blinked, a little out of balance. "Umh, a few months. I finished college this year"

"You attended college here?"

"Yeah, in—", he stopped mid-step, narrowed his eyes, and then suddenly his eyebrows fell. He tried not to let his voice crack. "I didn't tell you—?"

Nico's response betrayed him, too quick and a little too clipped. "No, you didn't", but Jason didn't notice, his face crestfallen a heartbeat too long.

"Come on, it's just down this hall", he said, swallowing down guilt. He ushered Nico inside one of the doors where the CT scan greeted them like some kind of alien machinery. He made sure everything was in order before walking to the observation deck. There was only Dakota inside and the fact that Nico couldn't see him made his knees weak in a manner that felt akin to relief.

"Hey, man", Dakota took a sip of his Kool Aid and just then really noticed him. "Are you okay, Jay? You look like you've seen a ghost"

He laughed, high and out of breath. He walked to the desk.

"Just stay very still", Jason instructed over the microphone. He heard a huff inside the structure.

"This is not the first time I get a CT scan, remember?"

"Oh", he blinked. "Right, sorry"

"Do you know him?", Dakota asked just as he muted the intercom.

"Yeah, we were--", Jason felt his throat suddenly dry and closed his mouth, pursing his lips to the left. "We grew up together"

Dakota frowned. "I thought you weren't from here"

"I'm not, we grew up in a town close to Berkeley"

"What, and you just got assigned to him here in San Francisco?", the images of Nico's brain started to charge in the screen and Dakota whistled. "What are the odds, dude"

"Yeah", Jason let out a strained chuckle, his chest just too tight in a laugh that left him pained. "What are the odds"

"Well, his head looks fine", Dakota said, balancing in the back legs of the chair. "No blood, no swelling"

He nodded, taking the pictures to add them to the chart. "Thanks, Dakota"

He grabbed the doorknob, inhaled and in one swift motion, opened it. The room blinded him for a second, specks of light shimmering in front of his eyes. "You can get out now"

"No funny business, I take it"

"Your skull is too thick", Jason thought that maybe he saw a bit of laughter in those dark eyes. He smiled. "Come on, let's get you settled"

They headed back, Jason getting caught up with the Head Nurse. Nico made some kind of "shooing" motion with his hands and kept on going, maybe his pace a bit sluggish. Jason tried not to think too much of it.

“I really like it—your hair”, he blurted out before he could stop himself when he caught up to him. Nico flinched, neck stiff and shoulders up. Damn.

“Thanks”, it was barely over a breath but he caught it. He tilted his head towards his ex-boyfriend. “You look exactly like in high school”

Jason smiled, tight lips and a soft crease between his eyebrows. “Yeah—“, his voice broke and he cleared his throat, his hand fisted over his mouth. He touched his nose with his index finger before hiding his hand inside his pockets again. “Yeah, I guess I do”

He felt Nico’s eyes over him but when he finally gathered the courage to look him again he was glancing at the door of his shared room, just a few steps ahead. He felt cold sweat prickling his neck and his chest constricting.

“So—do you live here now?”, he didn't sound like himself, his tone too high. "Or— uh, are you visiting someone?"     

Nico said nothing while he got on the bed again, and Jason busied himself with the chart, scribbling almost mechanically.

"I live here", Jason almost dropped the chart. "I'm studying here"

"What— you mean", he frowned and Nico would not meet his eyes. "You've been living here for 4 years?"

"Yeah", Nico looked at him and his eyes were like coal, dark and sharp. "I guess it's kind of a miracle we didn't meet up before"

Jason blinked, his thoughts too muddled. "I guess"

He went on to connect Nico _, the patient, Nico_ , to the blood bag and to the serum. He fisted his hand so he wouldn't straighten dark wild locks. He re-arranged the blankets instead.

"Tell me if you need anything, Dr. Ávila will come to check on you when she gets out of surgery"

Nico nodded and he left, not hearing his name on Nico's lips.

 

\--

 

The bathroom door was blessedly cold, the hard surface like a lifeline that kept him upright. He felt raw and out of breath, like when the sea tossed you around and spit you out, leaving you motionless in the sand, trying to remember what's up and down.

He was studying here. He had been living here for at least 2 years. Jason bit his lip, letting his head rest in the door. Well, he couldn't really say anything about that, could he?

Had it been really that long? Had the years passed and erased any trace left on the skin of the other? Had time sculpted them, melted them and remade them so thoroughly that it was impossible to find their former selves in the person they were now?

Jason frowned and closed his eyes, his skin too tight over his body. No. It wasn't his right to complain, to lament over it. He had to be professional. He had to make sure Nico would recover, and would follow the prescriptions, and—

No. He had to do his job, and give an adequate care to his patient. He had to talk to Reyna and discuss the case. If he had learned anything in the last hours, it was that he no longer knew Nico di Angelo. He couldn’t let old habits cloud him into projecting into someone that was no longer there.

 

\--

 

Jason sighed. His temples felt like a cage and his head was pounding, a headache that apparently no amount of coffee could quench. He ought to been sleeping in one of the lounge rooms, getting another cup of expresso or checking in troublesome patients but he hadn’t stop walking until he ended up in the wing of the ER where Nico slept. He felt dizzy, his fuzzy mind still reeling against the knowledge that yes, that was his childhood friend under the piercings and the combat boots. He was taller, almost as tall as Jason, but narrow, all sharp angles. He brought a chair over and sat at a safe distance, not by his head but by his middle, trying not to wake him up.

Yes, in the hospital gown he looked less severe and feral, his hair a tangled mess over the pillow. He had his face turned to Jason’s and he was unable to stop himself. He came over to his side. Nico’s cheeks were pale, a white-yellowish color that looked unhealthy in his tanned skin and his bandaged forehead made him look even more helpless than Jason would have liked. There were bags under his eyes, puffy and that same ochre color. He could see the tattoos more clearly now thanks to the cut of the clothes. They crept over his neck, taking up his shoulder and chest, white wings and words in something that must have been Italian. The black ink shrouded him like armor, like a well-earned scar. Jason bit his lips, his fingers itching to trace them, to wake Nico up and ask him what they meant, when did he got them, why he hadn’t told him.

His body froze, cold as winter, his neck stiff with his stupidity.

Well he knew the answer to the last one, didn’t he?

He exhaled again, wondering how long could he sit in silence with his own regrets. But he couldn't stop looking at him, eating up every new detail discovered in the unstirring figure of his ex-boyfriend. The label tasted foreign on his lips, the silhouette of Nico no longer matching the image his memories provided. He passed a hand through his hair, golden locks tangling. He wondered for a heartbeat if Nico had questions too, and if he would want to search for the answers.

He hoped he did.

He was terrified of giving them.

Because what could he possibly tell Nico di Angelo, here, at the edge of promises, of hushed plans of the future? At the culmination of his sole purpose during high school, at the trial of everything he learned in college.

What had Nico seen; the scrubs, the lack of a white coat, the fingertips red and raw from prepping for surgery? Dread leaked into his body, slow and cold, numbing his hands.

_What had Nico seen?_

He got up, too quickly that his body had to catch up to his brain for a few seconds. He put the chair back and closed to curtain to Nico's bed. He went to the hallway, started skimming the charts that were tucked in the counter by the right. He inhaled slowly, trying to focus in the meningitis case he had took over that morning. He didn't hear her footsteps approaching.

"Hey", Jason turned to find Reyna, little locks of hair falling from her french braid and a speck of blood on her shoes.

"Hey, how did the surgery go?"

"She's gonna make it", Reyna shrugged noncommittally; in that way she did when she was too busy being critical to herself. "How's our punk doing?"

Jason had to catch the negative on his lips. "He's stable, got him an O positive and stitched him up"

She nodded, looking over the charts of her other patients. "And his CT scan?"

"All clear, no concussion and no sign of internal bleeding"

"Great", she scribbled something down and maybe he was still a little pale because her frown deepened. "Are you okay?"

Jason looked at her brown, warm eyes and felt the story a breath from spilling from his lips. He smiled instead. "I'm just tired"

"What time do you get off?"

He looked at the clock in the wall. "In an hour"

"Wanna get some coffee?"

Reyna's mouth was slightly curled up, and her intelligent eyes seemed to bore into his brain. She always had a way to find the truth between his words. Jason shook his head.

"No thanks, if I drink some now I won’t be able to sleep when I get home"

 

\--                                                                                                                         

 

“Darling wife? Is that you?”

Jason grumbled something incoherent and locked the door behind him. The apartment was a tad humid and smelled like melon scented shampoo. He walked down to his room, shuffling all the way to his bed. He heard footsteps approaching as he fell face first to the mattress, unable to even take his shoes off.

“How was your shift? Yesterday’s lunch was heavenly, I must say. Five of my guys have already asked for your hand in marriage”

In the 4 years apart after Thalia left the house Jason had forgotten her sister’s streak for the dramatic. He fully regretted it now, even with his face completely buried in his pillow. He groaned. He felt the bed dip and not before long a hand was messing his hair.

“Do you want some hot cocoa, big guy?”

He turned his face to her voice and tried to frown. “Thal, I’m not six”

“You reject your sister’s offer of hot chocolate? You wound me, darling wife”, her eyebrows furrowed impossibly close and her lips puckered. Jason wished he had the strength to push her over the edge of the mattress. Sadly, he didn’t.

“Alright, alright. Give me a cup but only because even you can’t mess that up” He conceded, not even wincing when his sister whacked him over the head. Slowly, he took off his sneakers and wriggled his way under the covers, some cursing and dubious noises coming from the kitchen as his background noise.

“Here” Thalia sat on the bed again and waited for her little brother to receive the steaming mug. She frowned. “Did something happen?”

“Nothing happened” Jason mumbled against the rim of the cup, the hot chocolate slowly but steadily warming up his body.

“You look pale. I mean, paler.” Thalia grabbed his chin and forced him to look her in the eye. “Did something happen last night?”

Jason closed his eyes. “Later, please”

Thalia let go of him and closed her mouth. Jason finished his cup and his sister still hadn’t uttered a single word. 

“Thalia?” Jason’s voice sounded weary and a little hoarse.

“Do you have another shift today?”

“Thalia, it’s not really necessary—“

“Do you have another shift today?” She repeated her voice an octave lower. Jason remembered when she used to scold him every time he tried to reach the cookie jar. He shook his head, defeated.

“You are gonna sleep now, and then come have lunch with me and Leo, alright?” Thalia ruffled his hair again, softer this time. “Our treat”

Jason chuckled weakly. “Okay. Good night”

Thalia smiled, that sad smile she had sometimes. “Good night, big guy”

 

\--

 

Jason was toweling his hair, his muscles just starting to complain about that 4 hour long surgery he had to assist the day before when the phone rang.

"Jason?", Reyna's voice went a bit higher at the last syllable of his name and he frowned.

"Yeah, hey", he left the towel on the bed. "What's up?"

"Did you discharge the Italian guy?"

"What? No—"

"Did you tell him he could leave?"

Jason felt the back of his neck suddenly cold. "No, of course not"

"Sorry, Jay, it's just that, we had a pretty hectic morning today with a car crash", he could picture Reyna worrying her lip, her fingers tugging at the end of her braid. "And he's not here anymore, he left"


	2. no kiss no gentle word could wake me from this slumber

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Considering he was the one who took the decisions to break it off all those years ago, it made sense that it was now Nico who had the power to choose if they should see each other again or not. It fitted, even if the absence of someone who he had just seen for a few hours again felt like hole in his gut.

"So, Jack Skellington lives here now, huh?"

"Leo, don't call him that", Jason chastised, the words automatically falling from his lips. "And yeah, apparently he has been living here at least for 2 years"

"And? How did it go?", his sister dragged a chair next to the table they were sitting and opened her own container. Her tone was casual but those intense electric blue eyes couldn't deceive Jason.

He felt his gut churning, anxiety creeping up his stomach. "It was awkward", he said truthfully, incapable of lying to them. "He looked very different"

"Well, that's normal right? Like 6 years have passed since you last saw each other", Thalia shrugged, the slight crease between her eyebrows betraying her aloof attitude. "You both have changed"

"I don't—", Jason started at the same time Leo said: "Jay looks exactly like in high school", they looked at each other and smiled, Leo supporting himself on his tiptoes and ruffling his hair.

Thalia lifted one thin black eyebrow at the both of them, stilling her movements. "Whatever, it was bound to be awkward", she brushed her short hair back with one hand and stabbed her pasta with the other. "Especially since you are a mess with people you like— or used to like I guess"

Jason blushed, his face completely open. He scratched his neck. "Uh— I guess"

Leo and Thalia stopped mid bite, two pair of eyes searching him for answers.

"Oh"

"Really? After all this time?"

"Always!", Leo interjected, mouth full.

Thalia made a disgusted noise while Jason reprimanded him. "Leo, this is not really the time to quote Harry Potter"

"It's always a good time to quote Harry Potter, dude. But you really still like goth boy?"

Jason frowned, cheeks still burning red. "I mean, I don't know— it was a shock to see him again and I just felt—", guilty, "confused"

"Well, did you at least got his number then?”, Leo asked and Jason looked over at Thalia, who seemed too busy chopping her noodles.

Jason hesitated, questions tingling on his lips. "Uh, no, he left while I was off duty"

Leo made a disappointed noise and kept eating, the three silent in the little kitchen Thalia had in the garage. Jason's eyes were lost in his hands, like he would be able to read the truth of what he really felt in the lines of his palms. Meeting Nico again had-- shook him, rattled him in a way he wasn't entirely sure if it was just his ex-boyfriend's effect on him or the shock of seeing him again. He supposed it was a bit of both. And he knew in the core of his being that he had been pulled into Nico's orbit, somehow, for the hours their encounter had lasted. Jason wondered if he would be able to discard it, to keep going like nothing had happened.

It didn't seem likely.

"You know, I still can't really picture you with him"

Jason snorted. "Leo, you couldn't even picture us when we were dating"

"I did", Thalia somber tone made them whip their necks to look at her, but she only shrugged. "Maybe he'll come around again. You just have to wait and see, little bro"

Jason frowned, his sister's features relaxed in the way she did to guard her thoughts. "I guess"

"Come on you lazy bum, lunch break is over"

 

 

-

Nico didn’t appear around the hospital by Friday, or by the end of the week. Leo had even gone with the excuse of bringing him Chinese food to see if he caught him. Jason, after giving in to a good panic for a couple of days, got immersed into a weird limbo where the frustration of not being able to reach out to his ex-boyfriend and the peace of not actually having to deal with all that Nico provoked in him with just a glance lived in an odd balance in his chest.

By the second week he had reached the certainty that it was for the best. Considering he was the one who took the decisions to break it off all those years ago, it made sense that it was now Nico who had the power to choose if they should see each other again or not. It fitted, even if the absence of someone who he had just seen for a few hours again felt like hole in his gut.

So he wasn’t prepared to hear his voice, not so early in the morning, not on the hospital staff’s favorite café that happened to be just across the street.

“Hey"

Jason turned so fast that he almost dropped his coffee. "Hi— hey, hello"

Nico's lips quirked, just a hint of a smile. "How are you?"

"I'm good!", Jason's voice was an octave higher than usual and he cringed. "And you? Are your ribs okay?"

Nico's hair was tousled by the wind, dark locks falling over his forehead where Jason's stitches still were. The skin around his right eye was a soft shade of lilac. He twisted his mouth into a frown.

"Yeah, sorry, uh, about leaving"

"No, I—", Jason frowned, licked his lips and amended: "Did you come to have your stitches taken off?"

Nico blinked. "Uh, yes. But, you are on a break, aren't you?"

"Yeah, but I have no problem—"

"No, Jason", he tucked his fingers into his jean pockets and rolled his shoulders. "Let's have coffee; I don't want to cut your break short"

Jason felt himself exhaling, the back of his neck tingling. Warmth tickled the tip of his fingers and he finally smiled.

"Yeah, that sounds nice"

"So, you wear glasses now?", they sat in a booth by the window, Jason's back to the hospital. He noticed Nico was wearing gloves, probably to hide the bruises on his hands.

"Yeah”, he nudged the rim of his thick-framed glasses with his knuckle. “I wear contacts when I have shifts in the ER though; they just get in the way”

"Oh"

"How's Bianca? Is she still living in Berkeley?"

Nico smiled, a lopsided curve of lips. "Yeah, she's getting her masters in like environmental friendly architecture, or something"

"Do you visit her regularly?"

"Yes", Nico started playing with the corner of the sleeve of his navy pullover. "For the holidays, and, uh, every other long weekend"

Jason took a sip of his coffee, Nico's gaze heavy on his skin.

"How's Thalia?"

"She's great, uh, she finally opened her own garage and hired Leo and 2 other guys", he scratched the tip of his nose with his knuckle. "You remember Leo?"

Nico frowned, his voice grim. "Yeah, I remember Valdez"

Jason rubbed his neck, his shoulder slumping. "Uh, we are living together, umh, Thalia and I, close to my old campus", dark eyes were boring holes into his hands and he felt his gut churning. "So, uh, what are you majoring in?"

Nico tugged at his bottom lip. "Illustration, actually"

Jason stared for a heartbeat and then he was beaming, whole face lighted up. "That's great!", his cheeks seemed pinker and he pulled his torso forward, elbows now resting in the table between them. "That's awesome, Nico! I'm so glad— did your father take it well? Do you have a scholarship?"

Nico blinked, feeling his own face heating up. "Uh, yeah, Bianca and I managed to convince him. And yeah, I got one of those 'young talent' ones and they pay for half the tuition and my materials, and— what?"

He shook his head, the smiled still painted on his face. "Nothing, I'm just— I'm really happy that you did it, that you are doing what you love, I'm—", he laughed, airy and short. “I guess I’m proud of you, you know?”

Nico looked at him, his eyes searching his face. His smile took over his cheeks and he tilted his head slightly forward, bangs falling over his face. “Thanks”

Jason took another sip of his coffee, his heart drunkenly racing in his chest. He felt giddy and it was silly, they weren’t his dreams. But the fact that those whispered plans they talked about so long ago were becoming a reality left him lightheaded. He played with his napkin, his body aching to bump Nico’s shoulder, to touch his knee, to squeeze his hand in his. He inhaled deeply, willing himself to calm down.

“So, how did you end up studying nursing? I thought your dad wanted—“, Nico twisted his eyebrows the moment he realized what he was saying and Jason felt a hole tearing up his gut.

“Well, yeah”, he kept smiling even though his brows were furrowed together, white lines staining his features. “I went to pre-med but after first year I noticed it wasn’t really for me. I just—couldn’t detach, I guess? So, uh—“, he cleared his throat. “I reviewed my options and decided for nursing and then I talked with father and kinda—got disowned”

Nico felt his composure falling with the line of his shoulders. “You what?”

Jason chuckled, rubbing his nose like he had done when he had told Nico he liked his hair. “Yeah—luckily I had my sports scholarship so I didn’t really have any need for their help. I just went to live at the dorms, found a job—Thalia helped a lot too whenever I needed extra money”

Nico’s eyebrows were still knitted together. “That must have been hard”

“Yes, but it had to be done, you know? “, Jason wondered why he felt so hollow even though he was certain he had been able to do all he had set out to do. “I mean, we don’t get invited to any kind of family reunion, but—Thalia was right all those years ago, we couldn’t keep living by their designs”

Nico nodded and got closer to Jason, bumping his knee with his. “Well, then I’m proud of you, Jason”

He was suddenly breathless, his chest insufficient to hold down his heart. His cheeks reddened a sunset-pink shade impossible to hide. He passed his fingers through his hair, messing it up a bit. “T—Thanks”

Nico smiled, a soft blush coloring his cheeks. They sat in silence for a while, both sipping their coffees, the bustling sounds of the café a nice background to their meeting. Jason wished for a moment that his shift would start an hour later and not in the next 15 minutes. He felt a bit silly for that. 15 year old kind of silly.

“We should get going”, he said instead and Nico nodded and they left the place. He tried not to close the distance so their shoulders would graze in the short walk to the ER entrance and he kept his hands in his pockets. Once inside Jason led them to the reception counter and instructed the girl at the desk that she let Nico pass to one of the unoccupied boxes while he looked for his chart. He quickly returned, wrote down the date and the procedure and smiled at his patient.

“Please, sit”

Nico sat on the stretcher and Jason took him by the shoulder, softly maneuvering him towards his chest. He put the tray next to him and brushed Nico’s bangs back with his hand.

"Do you have a hair clip by any chance? Or a headband? Otherwise you are gonna have to hold your bangs the whole time"

Nico blinked and rummaged the backpack that was by his knees. “I had a headband somewhere”

He put it on, it was a simple black thing and Jason tried to ignore how cute he looked with his hair pushed back. He put on his latex gloves and cleaned his forehead, the mole that Nico had in the corner of his left eyebrow distracting him. A blush warmed his cheeks and Jason silently thanked that Nico was keeping his gaze on the opposite wall.

"Okay, this is not gonna hurt but it will feel weird", he put his index finger under Nico’s chin and tipped his face towards the ceiling.

"I know, Jason", Nico rolled his eyes at him but he didn’t miss the rosy shade of his face. His heart picked up the pace; galloping in his chest and for some divine miracle his hands remained steady while he cut the thread. He could feel Nico’s warmth through the space between them, through his gloves and he bit down the urge to follow the line of his jaw with this fingers. He took out the thread slowly, Nico’s eyebrows twitching from time to time. But his breathing was slow and calm and Jason envied him because if it had been him sitting in front of the other, completely exposed, he wasn’t sure he could have looked so collected.

He took a wet wipe from the medical tray and cleaned his forehead from any remains, mindful of just grazing the skin. However, his hands betrayed him and he let himself trace the contour of Nico’s eyebrows. He swallowed and quickly moved his hands to place an adhesive strip where the wound was. He missed how his ex-boyfriend had trembled under his fingers.

“This should do it”, Jason took of his gloves and searched for a notepad, scribbling down as a way to avoid Nico’s eyes. “I’m writing you a few ointments you can buy that will help with the scarring and of course you shouldn’t expose it to the sun while it’s still healing”

“Yes, nurse Grace”

Jason actually blushed at that and coughed, giving Nico the paper.

“Very funny”, he started cleaning up the tray, throwing out the garbage. “This should be all. Be sure to ask the receptionist to page Dr. Ávila for you to see if you need to schedule a checkup”

“Thanks”, he got a hold of one of the straps of his backpack and angled his body towards the exit. “See you around, Jason”

He bit down the question of when exactly would that be and smiled. “Yeah, see you around”

The room felt tiny once Nico left, the white walls making Jason jittery which was stupid considering he had been working there for a year already. His hands finally started to shake and he wondered briefly where what Nico used to call ‘his ridiculous courage’ had gone.

The person he used to be in high school punched him in the gut, almost knocking the air out of him. He had been so confident, so ready to take on the world-- even after he had changed careers everything had felt right for a while, he was certain like his souls had been made of steel that he had made the right decisions. And he still was but somewhere along the way the solid ground beneath his feet had shifted and he now felt too exposed, too raw.

Did he change that much? Had life made him this broken and stuck version of himself? Or was he just getting to know himself, to know how he truly reacted to everything that life was all about, the elation and the heartbreak, the struggles and the victories, all so vivid and tangled up together that sometimes he couldn’t tell one from another? Was that why all the hurt and sacrifices of the past years felt so fresh? Was Nico’s presence just making them impossible to ignore, swept them under his tasks like he always did with whatever he was feeling?

Nico had always had that ability, Jason smiled bitterly. To leave him bare, with nowhere to hide from what was really going on. Maybe he had thought... Maybe he had harbored the hope of growing into a better version of himself, to fill the gaps and find Nico again and this time—

But he hadn't, not how he had pictured and his hands felt clumsy around him, his heart still too feeble to do it right.

 

 

\--

He closed the door behind him; his sister sprawled in the couch watching Netflix, the lights still on in her room.

“Hey, lover boy”

Jason felt himself blush and went straight to the kitchen to get a glass of water. “I’m not—it isn’t—“, the glass almost fell to the bottom of the sink. “Shit”

Thalia was silent a breath too long. “Riiight. How was your shift?”

Jason took a sip and frowned at her, her shoulders a tad too stiff for her lazy posture. “It was fine”, she nodded, eyes glued in the TV and he opened his mouth. “Thal, is something—?”

“How’s Reyna?”

“Why—?”, he narrowed his eyes. “Did you fight? Because I’ve told you I’m not getting in the middle of that and you are always so—“

“Relax, we are not fighting”

“Right”, Jason crossed his arms, glass forgotten in the kitchen counter.

“So? How is she?”

“She’s fine, whatever that means”

Thalia snickered and paused the episode of whatever she was watching. “Why does it have to mean anything?”

“I don’t know, you are the crazy one”

“Oh, come on lil’ bro, I don’t have an ulterior motive behind my every move”

“Well, past situations say otherwise”

His sister laughed and Jason started making coffee. “Did you have dinner?”

“Yeah, Leo and the guys invited me to the greasiest burger place I’ve ever seen. Like it’s not enough to actually be covered in grease all day”

“So, whatever I make you won’t start picking at it?”, Jason lifted an eyebrow at her and Thalia gasped from her spot on the couch.

“Me? Pick at your food?”

Jason rolled his eyes, immediately setting a second, smaller plate. He was thinking about making a steak to go with the leftovers of mashed potatoes when Thalia spoke again:

“Did anything happen today?”

He sighed, that question had become Thalia and Leo’s code of anything Nico-related. He chewed his lip and took a couple of steaks from the fridge, heating a frying pan and putting a touch of oil on it.

“Yeah, Nico came to get his stitches removed”, he was careful to keep cooking with his back to the living room, rummaging the cabinets in search of salt and pepper. He heard the squeaking noises that came with moving abruptly on a leather couch. Well, an imitation of leather anyway.

“Oh”, Jason couldn’t see her face but Thalia’s tone was a bit airy. “He did, huh”

“Yeah”, the sizzling of the meat didn’t let him hear her footsteps. “We had coffee”, when he turned around to heat the cold mashed potatoes in the microwave he found Thalia standing a couple of inches from the counter, her arms crossed over her chest.

“After?”

Jason swallowed. “Before”, he shrugged, pressing the button that set the time and starting it. “We ran into each other in the coffee shop just in front the hospital”, he turned his back to Thalia again and flipped the steaks, his heart fast in his chest.

“You ran into him?”

“Well, yeah”, he put the meat on the plate, the frown on his sister’s face distracting him. “What?”

Thalia blinked. “Nothing! I’m just surprised, I mean he did take his time—“, she properly looked at him and shrugged. “I’m glad he didn’t just disappear from the face of the earth”

But there was an odd set to the turn of his mouth and Jason felt his gut churning. “Yeah… Yeah, me too”

“Come on, let’s binge watch CSI and eat these”, Thalia said with a smile that only lasted until she walked away.

 

\--

Jason shut down the last of the machines, his movements lagged. It was 4 am and the night shift had its usual eerie aura, like the time and space of the hospital were different from that of the rest of the city, it goes and goings alien to what happened inside the walls. Jason took the chart and got out from the private room, his head disconnected from the rest of his body, his limbs like hollow carcasses.

 _She was so young_ , he couldn’t help to think while he scribbled down what the last actions were taken to save her life, _she had_ _dimples when she laughed_. He wanted to write that too, to register it somewhere but he left the chart in the nurse station and leaned over the counter, massaging his temples.

Jason had been praised in college for his ability to keep going, to leave feelings aside and do what was needed, what was right. But god it was hard in the last hours of the day, when nothing seemed to make sense.

He sighed, and was about to head over to his locker to pick up his stuff and end this night already when Michael called out to him.

“Hey, Jason? Someone is asking for you over the ER counter”

Jason blinked, his thoughts too sluggish. “Oh. Thanks, man”

He felt his body moving but he was too caught up wondering who may be and coming up empty that it was just when he was entering the emergency room that he started to fear that maybe something had happened, maybe Thalia—or Leo…

“Clare?”, he asked the receptionist, his tone a bit high. “Michael said someone was looking for me?”

Clare, the girl with the rosiest and chubbiest cheeks Jason had ever met, pointed out one of the farthest chairs in the waiting room. “Yes, dear, that gentleman over there asked for you”

Jason searched the place and felt his heart jump in his chest. He stepped forward, his feet working on their own. “Nico?”

“Hey”, he caught up to him in a few strides but left a good space between the two of them. He frowned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah—“, Jason replied automatically, rubbing his neck. “Yeah, just, uh, a long shift. What are you doing here? Are you hurt?”

Nico shook his head. “No, I was just in the neighborhood finishing a project with a friend”, he hid his pinkies in the pocket of his jeans and gave them a light tug. “And I remembered that you were doing the night shift when I came and thought—“, he shrugged with just one shoulder. “We could have coffee?”

Jason felt his lips parting and his eyebrows rising, the fact that yes, this was the same day they had met leaving his mind blank for a few seconds. “Yeah! Yeah, sure, I was just gonna gather my things to go back home”, he brushed his hair back. “Could you just wait for a few minutes?”

“Sure, I’ll be on the entrance then”

“Great! Be right back”

The wind was sharp and chilly and when Jason met up with Nico in his regular clothes his cheeks were quick to flush.

Nico looked at him through the corner of his eye. "You are paler than before"

Jason re adjusted the neck of his grey hoodie and put the hood over the back of his jeans jacket. "Yeah, I guess that’s what happens after a whole year under nothing but fluorescent lights"

Nico nodded and they started walking across the parking lot towards the Main Street. "So, is there a late night dinner around here or—?"

Jason couldn't help to smile. "There's a Perkins just a couple of blocks down south"

He saw Nico roll his eyes. "Of course"

Jason gripped the straps of his backpack, feeling still a bit inside out, the night shift following every step he took.

He tried to pull away, concentrating at how Nico's bangs bounced while he walked, how the wool beanie he was wearing covered the back of his neck.

"So, what kind of project where you working on?"

"Oh, it was just a really long portraits assignment. We basically had to do detailed work and fill like 30 worksheets", Nico scrunched up his nose. "I think my hand cramped for a moment there"

"Do you need something for the pain? If you don't put something hot on it it's gonna...", but Nico's smile, a little curve of his lips made Jason stop. "What?"

"What are you? A walking medicine cabinet?"

He snorted, his face coloring a bit more. "A walking first aid kit, actually"

This time Nico chuckled and Jason felt his stomach doing somersaults.

"God, your career really fits you, doesn't it? Now you can fuss over everyone"

Jason felt a pang in his chest and tried to make his voice chagrined. "I don't fuss"

"Yeah, right"

Luckily for him they had already reached the diner and Jason opened the door for Nico, wondering a second later if that gesture actually proved Nico right.

"So, counter or booth by the window?", Nico lifted his thick eyebrows, lips in a frown. "Right, I don't know why I asked"

They sat in the booth by the corner, Nico's backpack making a rattling sound when he left it by his side on the seat.

A waitress with sleepy eyes and a mouth that almost took up all of her face approached them, taking out her notepad on her way.

“Hello, welcome to Perkins”, she said in the tone closest to an actual yawn. “Do you know what are you going to order?”

“Hi, I want a plate of pancakes and a latte, please”, Jason didn’t even have a look at the menu. Nico grumped.

“And I’ll have an expresso with a cheeseburger, please”, this was Jason’s turn to lift his eyebrows at his ex-boyfriend. “What? I forgot to eat dinner”

“I’ll be right back with your food”, Jason nodded at the girl and smiled, trying to keep his words inside his mouth.

“You aren’t gonna chastise me about not being healthy or needing to take a better care of myself?”

“I haven’t said anything, Nico”, Jason tried to add a casual swing to the way he took two napkins and gave one to him. Nico shook his head, disbelieving.

He looked out of the window, the sky obsidian, the city asleep around them. His reflection startled him, his eyes smaller from fatigue, purple rings on his pale skin.

“Rough night?”

Jason turned, Nico was resting his elbow on the table and had his cheek leaned against his open palm. He could see a hint of the words he had tattooed on his knuckles.

“Huh?”

“Did you have a rough night?”, he repeated, dark eyes not leaving his. “You ordered pancakes”

Jason blinked. “What about it?”

“Oh, come on Jason, you know pancakes are like your biggest comfort food. Plus, you ordered syrup _and_ butter”

 He chuckled. “That’s it? That’s all your proof that I had a bad day?”

“Well, yeah”, but Nico’s confident tone was betrayed by the slight twitch of his eyebrows, just the start of doubt.

Jason sighed, defeated. “Yeah, I had a hard and long shift”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m just pretty tired”, he nodded, a tentative smile on his features that didn’t quite catch up to his eyes, his eyebrows still in a sad turn. Nico frowned at him but said nothing, playing with the corner of his napkin.

“What does it say?”

“What?”

Jason pointed with his chin at Nico’s hands. “The tattoos on your knuckles, what does it mean?”

He opened his mouth but nothing came out and his frown twisted his forehead. He licked his lips and tried again. “Oh, uh, ‘I promise’”

Jason felt his smile broadening. “That’s cool. Did you go alone or did Bianca insist on accompanying you?”

Nico blinked again, his face still an example of confusion. “Bianca came”

“Figured. They look great, Nico”

Their waitress came back with their food and Jason had already eaten two bites of his heavenly stack of pancakes when Nico asked.

“You like them?”, his tone, both astonished and fearful threatened to take Jason back to another conversation they had at the dead of night, hiding in an old treehouse. But he grinned, intent on keeping himself on the present.

“Yeah, they suit you. I really like the wings too”

“I thought—“, but Nico’s brain seemed to catch up with his mouth and he shook his head. “Never mind”

They ate in silence for a while, Jason trying to remember all the times he ate pancakes in front of Nico in any kind of stressful situation. Well, he did tend to make them when he was at the edge of final’s week—and when his mother decided to give full custody to his father he ate pancakes for almost a month…

“Jason?”, he started, eyes focusing on Nico again. “I’m really sorry”

He stopped cutting his food into neat triangles. “About what?”

Nico squeezed his hands but his face was serene. “For leaving so suddenly the other day, when the effect of the painkillers passed I just freaked and I shouldn’t have—“, he pressed his lips into a tight line. “I’m sorry”

Jason immediately reached out, his fingers slightly grazing Nico’s, 4 am clouding his judgment.

“Hey, no. You don’t have to apologize, I’m glad you did—“, he frowned. “I mean, I’m happy that you made it on your own terms. Meeting again”

Nico took a sharp breath, eyes falling to their hands. Jason was tracing the letters on his knuckles, just the lightest of touches. He felt his cheeks heating up, chills whispering against the skin of his back.

“Yeah. I’m glad too”

Jason finally took notice of his actions, hiding his hand on his lap, face blushing. He kept himself busy by taking a sip of his latte. He felt like he was at the edge of a cliff, the weight of Nico’s eyes making him dizzy, the curve of his eyelashes distracting him. It was disturbingly familiar, the way his body reacted like he was 17 again. He bit his lip, the fear gnawing at his gut somehow deeper and older than the one he met years ago, fed by the rawness of all he had discovered of himself in the time that had passed, by the bareness of his being. There were more questions than just the wonder of Nico liking this version of him, more doubts about past scars, suddenly bleeding now. He tightened the grip on his cup.

“Do you have a shift tomorrow?”

Jason felt his head like when you break to the surface of a pool, the pressure having to calibrate itself again. “Uh—yeah, not like this one, I’ll actually get off by 8”

“Do you wanna—umh, can we hang out later?”

He felt his face reddening again and small smile broke through. “Sure, I’d love that”

Nico smiled too, his eyes warm and crinkling at the edges and Jason tried to be content with just that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thank you to all the people that has showed any bit of interest on this story, to Jesse for reading it and helping me when my spanish gets the best of me and messes up my phrasing. I'm so glad I'm finally posting this considering my life turned upside down last week.


	3. all around the world was waking but I never could go back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If every story has a beginning, a middle and an end, where are we?
> 
> At the middle?
> 
>  _At the end?_  
>     
> Was this the interlude of our story? Was it just the prologue? Is there anything left to be written about this story of us?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are no witty or original words to express my feelings at taking up so much time to upload this. Maybe only to say that i’ve grown a lot this year and i hope this work has grown with me.
> 
> also, this fic has now fanart! literally a dream come true, the great artists [shiningdraw](http://shiningdraw.tumblr.com) and [ilyone](http://ilyone.tumblr.com) decided to draw something inspired on my work and flattered is not big enough of a word to express how i feel. You can see them [here](http://shiningdraw.tumblr.com/post/110371081781/wow-i-got-their-clothes-all-wrong-but-this-is-a) and [here](http://ilyone.tumblr.com/post/132609017183/i-was-telling-a-friend-about-pjo-and-hoo-the-other).
> 
> The biggest recognition and gratitude to my friend [Jesse](http://billyxkaplan.tumblr.com) who not only edited this chapter but cheered me on and believed in me. I couldn't have done this without you.

“I think I haven’t really gotten used to the studio sessions yet, we spend hours working and it still feels weird to draw with someone nearby.”

He had cut his hair since the last time he saw him.

“I mean, back in highschool only you and Bianca— I don’t mind doing assignments at Clovis’, but having so many people around me kinda freaks me out, I guess.”

Was that a bruise under his jaw? How on earth had he gotten that?

“Well, except live drawings, that makes sense”, Nico swallowed. “Those are awkward for a whole ‘nother reason.”

A tendon in his neck tensed when he gulped. It was taut like a guitar string and his fingertips prickled to follow the path only his eyes could touch.

“Jason?”

Nico frowned at him and he blinked, startled.

“Y—Yeah?”

“Are you okay? You’ve been really quiet.”

“I’m fine, I was just listening, I swear.”

“Right.”

He loosened the collar of his shirt, fearing the blush that would taint his cheeks if Nico kept looking at him. They were walking through Guerrero Street, the sun still high on the sky. Jason let his eyes wander to a shop window, complicated paper lamps in the shape of  stars with eight points catching his attention.

“Are you mad because I made fun of your suspenders?”

He snorted. “Of course not”, still, he peered at them. He thought the garnet shade of red fitted quite nicely with his cerulean shirt. But maybe—

“Because they suit you, even if you look like an English teacher.”

“Well, now I know what to do if I ever get bored of people puking on me.”

Nico chuckled and Jason’s lips curved on a satisfied smile.

“Still, you’d have been a great English teacher.”

They turned the corner, 18th street bustling with people. Jason had to evade a girl with frizzy red hair that was too focused on her phone to pay attention to the road.

“You really think so?”

“Yeah, you’re nerd enough.”

“Geez, thanks.”

He was about to shove Nico’s shoulders but his gaze stopped by the pillar of a building, different shades of blue stripes intertwining and coiling around on one of the sides. The edifice was just like the others on 18th Street, a soft pastel color with white accents. But faces of women, hands and patchwork patterns were painted around the windows or the ledges. A blow of color and shapes that didn’t let Jason remember he was supposed to act like he was still annoyed and not completely awestruck.

“What’s that?”

“The Women’s Building”, Nico angled his body towards him with his hands still in his pockets. “Come on, don’t stop, we are still not there.”

Jason took a step towards his ex-boyfriend, his eyes not leaving the murals; barely registering he had stopped on his tracks.

“But—“

“Come on, _sunshine_ , no buts.”

He blinked, his body responding to the nickname by instinct, catching up to Nico. He felt his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth and the rhythm of his heart drumming in his ears.

“Where are we going, anyway?”

“It’s just a few blocks away.”

Jason frowned. “Why all the secrecy? Are you gonna lead me to a dark alley and steal my kidneys? Am I gonna wake up in a bathtub full of ice?”

“Oh my god, you are such a drama queen.”

“Says the guy who won’t tell the person he asked to hang out with where they are going.”

Nico turned his head towards him, lips in a frown, but didn’t say anything. Jason tried to stop himself from smiling but he only was able to chew on his lip. His ex-boyfriend huffed, messing  his bangs.

They fell silent and the streets of San Francisco became quiet too, buildings with pale colors, a deserted parking lot to one side. Jason felt his arms taut with apprehension and his mind was already scrambling for words to say when he saw a one story house with some sort of sea monster, its only distinct feature a red eye. By its side was the picture of a holy woman with stars making a halo of the hood that framed her face. Above all was a light blue sky peppered with white clothes fluttering by an invisible breeze, a thin white rope uniting them all in a makeshift clothes-line.

Jason had to crane his neck to keep looking at it while advancing through Valencia St, and he could swear he heard a tiny laugh by his side. He said nothing though, trying to etch the odd wall onto his memory.  He almost missed Nico turning down the block.

He picked up his pace and the first thing that crashed into his line of vision were a juxtaposition of eyes, cracked irises like kaleidoscopes or like light through quartz. He blinked, noticing that it was actually the face of an old man over a red background, his skin like a mosaic of ceramics, spheres over his eyelids, over his forehead. They were perplexing but intriguing, like when he gazed at Nico’s tattoos that first night and wondered what the words on his skin meant.

“What’s this?”

“Clarion Alley”, he heard joy in Nico’s voice and tore his eyes from the wall to be confronted by a long street, graffiti and murals on the walls and even on the floor. He couldn’t see the end of it.

“I’ve been living here for almost five years, how come I never knew this existed?”

“Well, you don’t look like the most knowledgeable person in street art, sunshine.”

“Shut up”, Jason pushed Nico’s arm with no real force, barely moving him. He left his hand there, the colors and the shapes too magnetic to make him take notice of his actions. “Am I gonna find your name scribbled below some of these?”

Nico snorted, his eyes crinkling at the edges. “Yeah, right, I’m still just in my junior year, Jason.”

“Well, I would love to see some of your stuff”, he smiled, pink mouth in a soft curve, a slight blush on his cheeks. “Anything, really.”

Nico worried his lip, turning his head down a little, Jason’s eyes suddenly too clear. “Yeah, sure.”

They kept walking, his ex-boyfriend with his hands on his pockets and Jason stopping every few steps to try to follow the break of a line, to read the little descriptions in red paint that some of the murals had. His feet stilled by the silhouette of a man whose shape seemed almost made of glass, the light reflecting on him in different hues of blue. He found his fingertips grazing the rough surface, like he was trying to get a better grasp of the technique, of the meaning of all of it by touch alone.

“It’s amazing”, he whispered, suddenly breathless.

“Yeah”, he searched Nico’s face only to find a small smile and warm brown eyes. They stayed like that, Jason’s hand still resting on the wall. He swallowed and noticed how Nico’s gaze followed the movement. It felt like his hands were ghosting over his neck.

“Nico—”

But he was already shrugging. “Come on, we’ll see this and then I’ll let you go fetch your third cup of coffee of the day.”

Jason frowned.

“How do you know that?”, he cocked his head to the side, catching the exact moment when Nico’s lips parted in surprise.

“How do I know what?”

“About my coffee habits.”

Nico froze.

“I, uh, I may have—“, he ruffled his hair with one hand and tugged at one of his bangs. “I mean— I kind of stalked you before we met at the coffee shop.”

Jason blinked. “You stalked me?”

Nico’s cheek flushed. He averted his gaze.

“I—eh, yeah, a little?”, he put his hand behind his neck. “I mean, when the painkillers wore off I just freaked out and, well, ran. I spent all day trying to convince myself that it was some kind of dream but of course I ended up looking for you in the, umh, staff information of the hospital”, he tilted his head to the side. “I didn’t know what to do, because it didn’t feel like I could just go back like nothing had happened and Hazel kept telling me to just meet up with you.”

Jason tried to still his heart in his chest. He gulped. “And?”

“And I actually went back to the hospital, like 3 days after, you know?”, he made a vague gesture with his free hand. “But I couldn’t enter so I just went to the coffee shop, the one that’s right next to the ER and sat there. And I looked through the window and you were there, in the café right across”, he bit his lip. “And I just stayed there. And I went the next day at roughly the same time and you were there again so I just started to, umh, go everyday.”

Jason parted his lips but his words seemed stuck on his throat. He tried again but the only thing that came out was: “But Nico, they have awful coffee over there.”

He finally looked at him, a frown on his forehead but the beginning of a smile tugging at his mouth. “I know, but I had to buy _something_.”

“You stalked me”, Jason chuckled, blushing as well, his pulse as insane as he felt around Nico. “I think I feel like the girl from that vampire movie.”

He scrunched up his nose. “Jason, gross.”

They were closer, the pull that they had over each other making them erase the distance without them noticing.

“I’m glad I wasn’t the only one freaking out”, Jason said, his voice softer, smaller.

Nico huffed. “You were totally professional that first night, though.”

“In my head I was a mess”, it tasted like a confession on his mouth and he held his breath as Nico blinked at him.

But Nico only said: “Do you have plans for next Friday?”

 

—

“Wait, why are they following him?”

“Thalia, you can’t be that lost, we’ve been watching True Detective for three hours”, Reyna huffed and looked over at Jason, her thick eyebrows in a high arc. He rolled his eyes.

“She’s messing with you, Reyna.”

“What, no! I’m not, babe, I really don’t get it.”

“Are you bored? Is this your ridiculous way to call off the marathon?”

“Doll, I swear I’m not, I’m having a blast.”

Reyna straightened her back so that her muscles seemed to be made of lead. Thalia almost fell from the couch when she got up.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

"Rey? Hun? I swear to God I'm not bored!"

"Oh, shut up, you are dying to say that the first season was better", she pursed her lips into a frown. "You deal with her, Jason."

She paused the episode and went off, Jason chuckling at his sister's pout.

"You couldn't just help me out, huh, bro?"

"Thalia, you really were getting annoying."

"I'm nothing but adorable!"

He shook his head and took up the chance of his sister's tantrum to send a text to Nico about their meeting place for Friday. He was just typing it out when he felt Thalia’s hand on his shoulder.

“Jay, I’ve been meaning to ask—are you sure about this?”

“About texting?”

“No, stupid. You know what I mean”, Thalia’s voice was strained and void of the usual airiness it had when she teased him. Jason looked up from his phone.

“No, what _do_ you mean?”

“You know, this”, she made a vague gesture to all of him. “Meeting Nico again.”

Jason felt his defenses going up. “What about it?”

Thalia backtracked, taking his hand off his shoulder. “Look, I just mean—I remember our phone conversations, and how you were when you just got here after high school”, she bit his lip. “I’m not saying Nico is bad for you or anything, I watched the kid grew up for Christ’s sake, I just think—“, she brushed her hair back, her frown twisting her face and Jason was struck by how distressed she looked. Thalia was ruffled and it made Jason freeze on the spot. “God, I suck at being the older sibling, you are a way better older brother for the both of us—“

“Thalia”, his voice was careful, his heart expecting the wrong signal to gallop in his chest. “What are you saying?”

She sighed, messing her hair. “Are you sure about this? That you are not meeting him for the wrong reasons? Like some sense of duty or guilt because—he shakes you up, Jason, he always has and I’m worried—“

“We are different, Thal. He’s different”, Jason swallowed, his throat dry and tight. “And I’m not a kid anymore. I just wanna—I want to take up this chance to get to know him again, you know? I care about him and I missed having him in my life”, he squeezed his hands together, hoping his voice wouldn’t crack. “It’s not a sense of duty—and I’m not gonna end up like last time. I’ve ch—learned of my mistakes.”

They stared at each other for a few heartbeats until Thalia let out a breath.

“If you say so then I believe you”, she scratched the spot below her ear. “I don’t want to meddle, I’m not a meddling sister but I wanted to check up on you.”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Thal, you are totally a meddling sister.”

“Am not!”

—

“Wait, did you bring me here so I could be a lookout in case the police comes?”

Nico snorted. “Sure, student council president Jason Grace, I brought you with me so you could join me in my act of vandalism.”

Jason pocketed his hands in his denim jacket and concentrated on the painting on the wall instead. In grays and whites was outlined the silhouette of some kind of wolf. It looked like Jason’s husky, Tempest.

“This so not counts as extracurricular activities”, he said, trying to keep the bitterness of his mouth out of his words. He glared at the spray paint cans that were by Nico’s feet. So that was why his backpack always rattled.

“I’m furthering my education with practical work.”

It was Jason’s turn to snort. “Right”, he licked his lips. “I guess now I can actually say I dated a punk.”

Nico narrowed his eyes and took the silver can. “Don’t make me spray paint you.”

He chuckled, the threat only making his laugh fizzle like if it were soda. Nico shook his head but kept painting.

“Is it Tempest?”

“What?”

“Your painting, is it Tempest?”

Nico shifted his weight from the tip of his toes to the ball of his feet. He tilted his head.

“It does look like him, yeah.”

“You hadn’t noticed?”

“Well, no”, he shrugged. “I didn’t have a clear idea of what I was gonna do, to be honest.”

Jason hummed. “It’s like a fantasy version of him”, he looked at the feral red eyes of the beast.

Nico considered the bared teeth of his wolf. “Well, he wouldn’t ever had that expression, that’s for sure”. He snorted. “Tempest was all show after all.”

“Hey!”

He turned his head and Jason was met with a lopsided grin. “Just like his owner.”

“Oh, shut up”, he couldn’t help but hunch over, almost hiding his ears between his shoulders. For a moment the silence was only broken by the sound of spray paint. Jason’s eyes wandered to Nico’s profile, to the twist of his eyebrows and the way he pressed his lips together tightly whenever he was concentrated. He inhaled a sharp breath.

“For how long have you been—?”

“—desecrating the walls of San Francisco?”

Jason frowned. “ _Painting_.”

Nico snickered.

“Since the middle of second year, I think”, he looked up, like trying to visualize an imaginary timeline. “I actually started making stickers and putting them in traffic signs and stuff like that.”

“That’s cool.”

“You can’t just-- go and paint wherever you’d like, you know? There are rules.”

“Rules”, it was a proper ability, really, how Jason was able to express so much disbelief in just five letters. Nico paid him no mind.

“Street art rules.”

“Right.”

“Well, you asked.”

“Please, Nico, do teach me the street art rules.”

He refused to turn around. “You’re just teasing me.”

“I’d never do that,” but Jason knew his smile had leaked into his tone. He wanted to nudge Nico’s shoulder but he was afraid to mess up his lines. He settled for his words. “Come on, Nico, I wanna know.”

He only got the sound of the steel ball hitting the bottom of the can as an answer.

“Hey, I was serious when I said it, okay?”, he licked his bottom lip. “I want to get to know you again.”

Nico paused. For a heartbeat all Jason could hear were the faraway sounds of traffic.

“Well, it’s not like the streets have names written over them but certain districts do belong to certain groups. For example, the Tenderloin—”

—

“You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“Come on, my apartment is on the floor just above.”

“Seriously? Getting rained on?”, Nico shook his head, his hair tousling and spraying water around him. “And I didn’t even have time to clearcoat it!”

Jason jumped the last two steps of the staircase. “Will it fade?”

“Probably”, he grumbled. “Definitely.”

“Maybe it will give it a surreal effect”, he tried, fishing out his keys. “You know, kind of Dalí-esque.”

Nico only groaned. His hair stuck to his temples and paired with his deep frown he looked like a wet dog. Jason tried not to laugh.

“Come in, you can leave your shoes by the kitchen counter if they are too soaked.”

“I mean, _what is this?_ ”, Nico leaned over the wall trying to get out of his combat boots. Jason turned on the lights of the house. “Some kind of rom-com? These things don’t happen in real life.”

Jason took his jacket off and hung it over a chair. “What, like those cheesy ones where the protags are forced to shelter together from a storm or something? Well, my heater is working so no ‘gotta huddle to keep warm’ shenanigans tonight.”

Nico smiled for the first time since they had to run to hide under a roof. “We are not gonna share a blanket and look through the window? I’m so disappointed.”

He looked for a thick hoodie he remembered he had left by the couch. “Sorry this isn’t a Fabio novel.”

Nico actually laughed at that. Jason threw away the shirt as quickly as he could and put on the dry clothes. “I’ll get you a towel.”

He turned the heater on on his way to the closet.

“Where’s Thalia?”

“Oh, she’s not in today”, Jason gave him his fuzziest towel. “On Thursdays she stays over at Reyna’s.”

“Reyna?”, Nico stopped, his hands stilled mid-way to his hair. “Wait, you mean Dr. Avila?”

“Yeah, they’ve been dating for two years now—well, they don’t call it that but”, Jason shrugged and started pouring coffee beans in the machine by the kitchen. “It’s the same thing.”

“Oh.”

“It’s a bother, Thalia keeps accusing me to Reyna and I have to bear with her disapproving eyes all day.”

Nico chuckled. “Yeah, I had a dose of them when I checked in.”

“Make you want to run to the nearest church and confess.”

Nico smiled and Jason felt the gesture tugging at his core. “I was lucky she went to surgery just after she checked you otherwise she would have totally noticed—“, he blushed, realizing where his words were going without his permission.

“Noticed?”, Nico worried his lips and Jason busied himself with getting the coffee ready.

“You know, that something was up, that we knew each other”, Jason tried to shrug again, his movements a tad too jerky. “She would have interrogated me until I caved in.”

The sound of the coffee machine felt like thunder in the silence that followed.

“Well, it’s too bad I’m just hearing about this now”, Nico’s smile showed his teeth in a wolfish grin. “I could have shared so many embarrassing childhood stories with her at my last checkup.”

He snorted, his chest suddenly lighter. “Yeah, right”, he shook his head, his mouth mirroring Nico’s. “I’m sorry to say Thalia beat you to it, after all she’s the unparalleled champion at making fun of me.”

He chuckled and Jason took the opportunity to pour them two steaming cups of coffee. Nico came around the counter and grabbed one. The meager space that separated them felt like a lump his throat couldn’t swallow. Jason watched his ex-boyfriend take a sip and close his eyes in a flutter of dark eyelashes.

“Want some milk?”

Nico pressed the rim of the cup to his chin. “No, I like it like this.”

Jason followed his example and drank too, the warmth expanding from his lips to his gut. He sighed. He leaned his hip against the kitchen counter. He turned his head towards Nico and got distracted by the shadows his curly hair casted over his cheeks.

“We can always go check out how the painting held up after the rain stops.”

Nico tilted his head and just looked at Jason. He swallowed.

“It’s okay, I can go tomorrow”, he downed a bit more of his drink. “We don’t know how long it’s gonna keep raining and I don’t pretend to drag you all over San Francisco until 5 am”, he looked up from under his bangs. “Honest.”

“Just when I was getting used to the idea of putting on my old Vans and be your lookout for the night.”

Nico laughed in a way that was almost a whisper and a caress and Jason let himself be embraced by it. He crossed the distance and traced the words on the skin of his shoulder and his hand wandered, following the curve of his elbow, the line of his arm. He lightly pressed it over the small of his back and began to sway.

“What are you doing?”, Nico’s voice was fluttery and soft. Jason smiled.

“We are dancing.”

“In the kitchen?”

“Come on, get on”, when they were kids and Jason was facing his first prom, he had asked Nico to help him learn how to dance. He had been too embarrassed to ask Thalia, and at one moment ended up receiving lessons from Bianca herself. When he got home that night, he hadn’t questioned how light and warm Nico had felt, how easy it was to take him by the waist. He wondered at the feeling now, their bodies pulled to each other like magnets, slender fingers easily intertwining with his. When Nico got up on his feet so Jason would carry the both of them, they chuckled like giddy boys with a secret. Jason kept them in a waltz over thin ice, just a breath from a wrong word, a false move from breaking and drowning them both. His heart sped up and his forehead fell over dark locks.

“This is nice.”

“I missed you”, Jason confessed against Nico’s hair. He squeezed his hand. “I’m so proud of you.”

Huge, dark brown eyes searched for his and his breath caught in his throat. Nico worried his lip. “I always wondered—”, he pressed his forehead to Jason’s cheek but nothing else came out of his mouth.

His chest was caging him but his gut felt empty, like it had become the new recipient of a brand new black hole. “I’m so sorry”, he sighed, frowning. “I— we had to— but I should have kept in touch I just didn’t know… didn’t trust that I wouldn’t—“

Nico let out a tiny breath near his ear. “No, let’s—let’s stop.”

Jason froze. For a heartbeat, time stood still. Nico finally looked at him and frowned.

“No! Not that, I meant—“, he messed up his hair, dark locks standing up to all directions. “I mean, let’s stop apologizing. We were kids, Jason. I, uh, I understand. Now, I understand.”

He nodded, not trusting his voice. He thought for a few seconds how much power Nico’s words still had over him. He released his warm hand and felt Nico stepping down from the tips of his feet. He looked at his shoes regretfully, feeling too empty all of a sudden.  

“Jason, would you—?”, Nico grazed his chin with his knuckle, sending a shiver through his spine. “Hey.”

“Hey”, he had to blink rapidly, golden eyelashes like hummingbirds. Nico smiled softly and he felt too raw, too exposed under those night sky eyes.

Nico hid his hands in the pocket of his jeans. “I’m glad we met. I’d—“, he swallowed and for a moment he resembled the kid who used to climb to his bedroom window. “I’d like to keep seeing you. Get to know you again.”

“I forget sometimes”, Jason exhaled, his feet connected to the ground again.

“What?”

“How much braver you are than me.”

Nico blinked, his lips parting for a second. He frowned, the saddest smile turning up his mouth.

“You are so unfair, sunshine.”

“I am”, he felt unable to step back, to return to some kind of normalcy. He pushed his hair back. “I can’t seem to pull myself together when I’m with you”. He backtracked in a weak attempt to put some distance between them. “Or maybe this is just who I am and it’s really only around you that I can be myself.”

“Jason—”

He blushed and took another step back. “Sorry, I shouldn’t drop that on you”, he squeezed his eyes shut and his temples felt like a cage. “I have no right—”

“Right to what? To be honest?”, Nico followed him to the hall. With the kitchen’s lights at his back his silhouette looked sharper but Jason could still clearly see his eyes in the shadows. He felt the wall behind him.

“But isn’t shameless of me to say this after all that’s happened? _Isn’t it unfair_?”

“Jason, stop”, Nico took his wrists, long fingers barely curving over his pulse. “Stop doing this to yourself.”

“Sorry.”

“And stop apologizing.”

Jason could smell the coffee on Nico’s lips.

“Sorry.”

They chuckled, the familiar touch teetering them both to reality. Jason’s mouth curved into a tight-lipped smile, his eyebrows still knitted together.

“Well, now you know I’ve grown to be a mess.”

Nico squeezed his wrists.

“You’ve always been a mess of a human being.”

Jason snorted. “Well, at least I’m consistent.”

Nico brushed a lock of golden hair behind his ear.

“You’re just… Jason.”

He stopped breathing.

Nico let his hand trace the dip of Jason’s jaw. He slided the one which was caging his wrist so he could held his hand instead.

Jason swallowed.

It wasn’t quite a touch, the pressure almost non-existent. But it was there. Jason closed his eyes, dizzy. Nico’s lips were warm and slightly chapped. And they were kissing him. Again.

He shuddered, opening his mouth without meaning to. Nico’s hand grabbed the hair at the base of his neck and he moaned. He tugged at his lower lip, the softest of movements, and Jason felt the earth rotate backwards. He tried to follow, tilting his head and tracing the curve of his mouth with his tongue. Nico breathed a sigh over his lips and Jason felt himself shiver under his hands. He nipped at his lower lip, harder. Nico groaned and crushed his mouth against his. He coaxed him to follow his rhythm and sucked on his tongue and Jason felt the destruction of the world as he knew it.

They separated, their mouths still so close Jason refused the idea of the existence of a measure system that could tell the space between them.

He felt open, raw.

He felt at home.

Nico’s breathing changed its pace, unaligned with his.

Jason opened his eyes. And froze.

“I—”

Nico let go of him.

“I need to go.”

Jason’s knees gave out and he slided down the wall.

_Shit._

His front door shut with a slam and he stayed on the floor, too many ghosts over his lips.

  
Nico’s combat boots were still drying by the kitchen counter. And regret had been painted over his face.


End file.
